How to overcome and reframe the big “f” word.
The F word that truly strikes clear in every soul’s heart. The word that creates a beguiling contrast with its sister, Success. Because while Success is desired, fantasized upon, and lusted after, Failure, on the other hand, is feared, considered repulsive, and in some cases, arrogantly ignored. When in truth, it is Success that is deep down secretly feared in all of us. This is why failure matters. In truth, it is failure that keeps us company every single day. What day has gone by with absolute zero margins for error and perfection? It’s why we’re constantly trying to work through failure. So how do we work through failure intentionally?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frighten us.
” – Marianne Williamson “A Return To Love”
Unfortunately, fortunately – it’s true. Sometimes the things closest to us are the hardest to have a relationship with. How many families do you know are all accepting, loving, and enjoying each other’s company without conflict? And still also very hard for us to accept the breadth of knowledge and healing such an experience can provide us. The things closest to us are meant to evoke challenge and progress in our lives. If not for a challenge, there would be no growth.
So how do we remedy our distaste for such a constant in our life? Things that are constant in our lives that we focus a lot of energy around, we have two big choices: suffocate under the pressure of their existence or diminish their power by navigating through it. Essentially one needs to accept it instead of giving up so much energy to avoid it and work around it.
Working Through Our Failures
When we think we’re escaping failure by doing nothing or staying “safe, ” we expend more energy in the long run. So how do we work through failure in life and increase our return on investment?
- First things first, REFRAME the word “failure,”: which is traditionally a word with lots of negative connotations; instead, we have an opportunity to see failure as a stepping stone to success. We simply don’t succeed unless we fail first.
- EMBRACE failure: Get excited and start looking forward to learning opportunities.
- REFOCUS: When we expend all our energy on what we distaste in the present, we lack a clear vision of our goals and aspirations.
Negative Thought Patterns & Corrections Below
Knowing where negative thoughts and belief patterns may come from is important. In this way, we can practice self-awareness while furthering our self-development. Here are belief patterns in different key areas of our lives:
Self Love & Acceptance
- Negative thought patterns
- I am not worthy
- I’ll never be good enough
- I have nothing of value
- I’m undesirable
- Corrected thought patterns
- I am worthy
- I am always enough
- I am allowed to take up space
- I know what it feels like to be sought after, celebrated, and trusted.
Manifestation & Gratitude
- Negative thought patterns
- I’m cursed
- Nothing good ever happens to me
- I always get the shit end of the stick
- Bad luck follows me
- Corrected thought patterns
- I am blessed in the highest and best way
- Everything that happens to me is an opportunity to heal and grow in my successes.
- Everything that happens to me is a blessing.
Emotional Power & Control
- Negative thought patterns
- Showing emotions is a weakness.
- I need to control my feelings.
- The more emotionally cut off I am from people, the better off I’ll be.
- People only respect emotionally tough individuals.
- Corrected thought patterns
- Emotions are a natural part of who I am
- My feelings are the most accurate compass to everything I need to know about myself.
- The more I embrace my feelings, the easier it’ll be to navigate the world and myself.
- Knowing myself is one of the greatest skills I can possess.
- I’m allowed to experience emotions
Forgiveness & Understanding
These thought patterns revolve around specific events, groups, people, and the self. By working on the other areas, the negative thought patterns concerning forgiveness and understanding can be corrected. Forgiveness and understanding are a byproduct of feeling clarity and less heaviness in the other areas. When we are closed off in the other areas, it is more difficult for us to feel understanding and forgiveness for ourselves and others.
Duality & Balance
- Negative thought patterns
- If I’m not a winner, then I’m a loser.
- Feminine energy is weak.
- They aren’t the same as us/me.
- There are good people and bad people in the world.
- If I make a mistake, I am a bad person.
- Corrected thought patterns
- All is one.
- We’re all in this together.
- I’m allowed to make mistakes.
- Life is a process of learning.
- I’m here to heal.
- (*Bonus reminder: What’s the difference between good people and bad people? Answer: They’re the same person.)
And there you have it! So remember, for every fear of failure you have, there is a root fear of success. Work through failure by opening yourself up to the corrected thought patterns by simply saying “yes” and repeating them to yourself. They may feel foreign, uncomfortable, and unnatural. That indicates how engrained the negative thought patterns are and the rewiring that’s happening. The more open you are to change the negative thought pattern, the more willing you’ll be to ask yourself where the negative thought pattern came from and why the corrected thought pattern feels unsafe.
If you would like help working through this, then contacting a trusted coach, mentor, or guide is a wonderful option for support.
Click here to learn more about these and two more areas of progress and healing.