Do you ever feel like you’re constantly running around trying to please others? Trying to meet people’s expectations, leaving little time for yourself and your own needs? If so, you’re not alone.
Many people struggle to find balance in their lives, often sacrificing their own well-being in the process. This is where the concept of creating healthy boundaries comes in.
By setting limits and prioritizing our needs, we can cultivate inner peace, increase our productivity, and ultimately lead a more joyful life.
Sound like a pipe dream? Yeah you’re not the only one.
So, what are healthy boundaries, and why are they so important?
Healthy boundaries are an elusive thing that most people spend their whole lives trying to get a grasp on. The good news though is that as soon as you start becoming aware that you need boundaries, you will experience some kind of shift in your life. Healthy boundaries are ultimately limits that we set for ourselves and others in order to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. By establishing these boundaries, we can make sure that we have time for self-care. We make sure that our own needs are prioritized without feeling guilty or selfish.
Values
Establishing healthy boundaries begins with understanding your own personal values and priorities. Ask yourself, what is most important to you in life? What makes you feel fulfilled and happy? Once you clearly understand your values and priorities, you can start determining where your boundaries should lie.
Figuring out your values and the things that make you happy, you then get to ask yourself; how am I integrating these things into my everyday life?
Communication Is Everything
In order for your boundaries to be effective, it’s crucial to communicate them clearly to others. If someone crosses your boundaries, it’s important to speak up and let them know how you feel. This helps to set a precedent for how you expect to be treated and protects your well-being in the long run.
This can be challenging, especially if you’re not used to saying “no.” But it’s important to remember that saying “no” means saying “yes” to yourself. By setting limits and prioritizing your needs, you are taking care of yourself and protecting your well-being.
Honestly, this is something I still work on (pobody’s nerfect). I love the immediate validation I get when saying “yes” to someone but I pick my battles and find little opportunities frequently to give a measured no response. In my sabateur test, my #1 inner sabateur is “Pleaser”. So this is a big nut for me to crack! But the important thing is I’m self-aware and therefore know when I want to say “yes” but should say “no” and actively think of different ways to say no. Even in hypothetical conversations! It keeps my mind and heart in alignment so I’m not caught off guard when I really do need to say no.
You Have Bigger Priorities
Creating healthy boundaries does not mean being selfish or disconnecting from others, but rather it’s about finding balance in your life. By taking care of yourself and prioritizing your needs, you can better show up as your best self in all aspects of your life – whether it be in your relationships, work, or personal life.
I used to be obsessed with being the helper and was overly conscientious even when it came even to recycling and composting. It actually stressed me out! I always generally feel like I could do more, which is really that I feel I can always say yes more.
But after getting pregnant with my third child, I realized I could not save everyone and everything (something I didn’t know I was trying to do). I realized I have bigger priorities.
What are those bigger priorities for you?
Extra tips to help get you started:
- Know Your Limits
- Before you can set healthy boundaries, it’s important to know your own limits. This involves taking an honest look at what you can tolerate and what you can’t. Once you know your limits, you can start setting boundaries that align with them.
- Communicate Clearly
- Communication is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Communicate your boundaries clearly to others, and be assertive in doing so. This helps to set a precedent for how you expect to be treated and protects your well-being in the long run.
- Prioritize Self-Care
- Setting healthy boundaries also involves prioritizing self-care. This means taking time for yourself and doing things that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or simply taking a nap, make sure to prioritize self-care and give yourself permission to take time for yourself. Another way to think of self-care is “self-joy”. What gets your happy hormones going? Self-care is about making yourself feel better – not adding more stressful to-dos.
- Be Consistent
- Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Make sure to enforce your boundaries consistently and stick to them, even when it’s difficult. This will help others to understand and respect your limits, and it will also help you to feel more empowered and in control of your life.
- Practice Self-Compassion
- It’s also important to practice self-compassion when setting and enforcing boundaries. This means being kind and understanding towards yourself and not beating yourself up for setting limits or saying “no” to others. Remember, you’re doing this for your own well-being, which is noble and necessary.
Embracing healthy boundaries can be a transformative experience, leading to inner peace, heightened productivity, and a sense of happiness and fulfillment. By taking the time to understand your own needs, communicating openly and effectively, prioritizing self-care, and being kind and compassionate towards yourself, you can build a strong foundation for a life filled with joy. Remember, saying “no” to others is a brave act of self-care and protection, and it frees you up to say “yes” to
